Asking Eric: Husband disapproves of wife’s dream vacation

Dear Eric I am planning a getaway with my best friend from grade school We live in different parts of the United States but keep in touch and see each other when we can We want to celebrate each of us turning this year by going to a Caribbean destination for a limited days My husband of more than years is not a beach person so he s glad to be off the hook for a vacation like this He is supportive of the trip but not the destination He is concerned about my safety traveling to a foreign destination and this is compounded by the fact that he does not know my friend read he doesn t know if he can trust her He trusts me but is still not on board He declared he would feel better if we were staying in the States I respect and appreciate my husband s concerns but it is tempering my excitement for this trip My friend and I are not reckless and we would never do anything to compromise our safety I ve read up on our destination and all my materials say it s safe to expedition there but one should take the usual precautions don t voyage to isolated areas lock up valuables etc How can I move forward with this trip of a lifetime knowing my husband is not in favor Destination Consternation Dear Destination A limited years back I was supposed to excursion to a city in South America with which I wasn t very familiar I had particular nerves about it But then I looked up the crime rate in the city I was going to and discovered it was lower than the US city I was at this time living in Well that context helped I had a great trip With all due respect to your husband his anxiety doesn t supersede your research You ve read up on the location you re well-versed in smart trip safety practices and you ve known your friend for more than years Meanwhile your husband hasn t familiarized himself with the area of the Caribbean to which you re going and he hasn t tried to get to know your friend So he s not setting himself up for success But his fear is not your reality It ll be helpful for you to set an internal boundary between your actions and your husband s concerns You can send him information about where you re staying the authorities s recommendations for travelers and your planned itinerary You can set up a communication plan with him perhaps checking in every day or even sharing your location with him if you have a smartphone You can even suggest a phone call or Zoom between him and your friend Any of these options might give him a new perspective But ultimately it s his responsibility to manage his feelings about your trip Advance is a privilege and can be a great delight I hope that you re able to focus on the gift you re giving yourself and fully appreciate all the beauty and wonder that your tropical destination has in store for you Dear Eric Two of my friends are planning a girls trip that I do not want to be involved with They are planning it for when I am off of work so I can t say no Although we have been friends for more than years I in recent weeks discovered that these women shared very different political beliefs and morals than I do which wouldn t normally be a trouble However when they drink hatred and lies spew from their lips It makes me very uncomfortable and I don t want to be around them Part of the reason for this trip is to bring several fun to one of the women who in recent months lost her husband to a terminal illness As much as I want to take care of her and show my aid I don t think I can tolerate spending an entire weekend halfway across the country with these friends How can I get out of this girls trip without causing a rift Neither of the women know my political beliefs and I m afraid that if I ask them to avoid talking politics they will then understand that I disagree and try to convince me to think like they do Related Articles Asking Eric Retiree feels obligated to invariably go see friends new band Asking Eric Parents excluded from daughter s th birthday but in-laws got an invite Asking Eric Friend courts danger by feeding wildlife in her backyard Asking Eric Spouse wants to reconcile with husband s estranged sister Asking Eric Neighbors trash habits cause a ruckus Keeping Politics Out of It Dear Politics I m going to take a somewhat hard line on this If you can t stand behind what you believe especially in the face of what you describe as hatred what s the point of believing it It s one thing to not want to get into it with friends Not every conversation requirements to be a debate But if you can t ask for what you need and if they can t love you enough to give it to you by changing the subject it s hard to see how this friendship moves forward Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com