Asking Eric: Fellow girl scout parent won’t stop complaining

Dear Eric I was a latch-key kid in the s no father working mom of three kids No one was ever there to read me a story watch me make a basket or catch a ball I now have a -year-old girl I thrive watching her in her weekly two-hour gym class and Girl Scout meetings where I am a troop leader I see the majority parents focused on their cellphones during these pursuits and it makes me sad for the kids My issue A Girl Scout dad engages me constantly during troop meetings telling me about the latest horror of his ugly separation and upcoming divorce usually within earshot of the kids I offer simple responses to give him the message that I am busy watching my kid and not interested in the drama I say Wow that s awful or sorry to hear that all while keeping my eyes on the kids He hasn t gotten the message Aside from his bad ex etiquette how do I get this guy to leave me alone All I want to do is watch the kids interact and have fun People being people I feel that saying anything at all will cause trouble Not Interested Dear Not Interested You ve detected a beautiful and deeply impactful way of giving your daughter the things that you didn t get as a child I hope it continues to be a rewarding and healing relationship And I understand why this other father s behavior is causing so much strife This guy is going through a tough moment and it seems like he necessities an ear That s no crime it s relatable But he demands to choose a better moment You don t have to parent another parent here but clear redirection is necessary Try speaking with him before or after a meeting Tell him what you ve noticed and suggest an alternative that will help you both better serve the troop It s really crucial for me to give my full attention to what s going on with the scouts in these meetings Sometimes you ll tell me stories and it pulls me away I don t want to be rude so can we keep the conversation focused on the troop while we re in here You can even be more direct by telling him that you don t think it s appropriate to talk about his divorce within earshot of the kids As you explained people are people and he may be affronted by this Respectfully that s not something you can control or fix You can set a good example tend to your side of the street and make it clear what you re asking of this relationship If he can t or won t respect that that s on him By remaining focused on what you re there to do you re helping yourself your daughter his daughter and setting a good example for him Dear Eric I ve been dating my boyfriend for roughly two years We took a break because he hadn t narrated his grown daughters he was dating I petitioned that he do that for us to move forward in our relationship because I didn t want to be a secret So he did tell them His -year-old was accepting according to him The -year-old was not happy and mentioned she had past trauma from his last relationship and that she had started therapy three weeks prior to him telling her he was dating She informed him she needed space from him to work on those past traumas He lost his first wife to cancer the daughter s mother He remarried two years later because he was trying to have a mother figure in their lives because they were teenagers at the time of their mother s passing How can he and I move forward to what could be marriage if his daughter doesn t come around to talking to him or approving of him being with me Related Articles Asking Eric Friend annoyed about taking in evacuating friends during LA fires Asking Eric Husband objects to wife s work dinners with male colleagues Asking Eric Father s questions keep offending adult daughter Asking Eric Wife s comments to son-in-law bother husband Asking Eric Parents house has become free hotel for friends Kind of Stuck Dear Stuck It s significant to let her work through whatever she demands to work through You can be encouraged by the fact that she communicated her demands clearly to her father and that she s already in therapy Those are chosen of the building blocks of a healthy relationship So don t try to prod her or speed up the process It will take the time it takes In the interim however I think it s pivotal that you and your boyfriend start pre-marital therapy There are a limited things that might create stumbling blocks for you and this is a great time for you to explore them For instance you may already know what aspects of his past relationships were traumatic for his daughters but a therapist can help you both process them and come up with new strategies so that the relationship you build with each other and with his daughters is healthier and happier Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com