Asking Eric: Brothers spar over 35-year-old loan
Dear Eric My brother has children with whom I was extremely close when he and his wife got divorced in He never supported his kids never paid child encouragement and drank away everyone s money including in rehabs that my parents paid for My brother demanded me if he could borrow and he would start making payments to pay it back For the sake of my niece and nephew I loaned him the money Unbeknownst to me my brother was borrowing money from everyone in the family Soon everyone in the family revealed out what he was doing and cut him off Fast-forward to three years ago I m now and my brother is he reached out to me again Not to borrow or pay back money but to reconnect Through our limited conversations he keeps asking for my address or an invite to my house I never extended the offer and I did not give him my address Brother lately narrated me he has been sending to every couple of weeks to my niece now a divorced mother of one son He is also putting several hundred dollars a month in a trust for her -year-old son I stated him on several occasions since he has money to spare he can send me money each month to pay me back He laughs and blows me off I m extremely ticked off that he disregards the sacrifice I made I blew off my brother and the years ago and I don t care to rekindle relationships that have been dead for years What I want is the repaid I have two kids in college and I m partially retired I m not charging him interest for the past years but I should I don t think I can be blunter with my request nor because of the time that has passed would I have legal recourse If you have suggestions I would appreciate the help k Would Make My Day Dear k Wowee zowee do I hate what I m about to write you have to let it go The has grown so large in your mind fueled by the compounding interest of outrage on your part and unreliable behavior on your brothers that it s nearly impossible to pay down Nearly Yes he should pay you Let s be clear Ideally he would pay you the astronomical sum of plus years of interest but that s not going to happen He has inappropriately laughed off your request which is par for the syllabus considering the way he preyed on your family s sympathies years ago It hurts to be used like this and it s not fair But this is who your brother is You blew the money off years ago but these emotions are coming up now because there was presumably a part of you that thought by lending the money you were helping your brother become a better person It s achievable that that s still true He s around in the present day to give money to his daughter and grandson and you re partially to thank for that I know you want but what you really need is an apology and It doesn t sound like your brother has the emotional ability to provide either right now He s poorer for it but by letting it go you keep him from robbing you of your contentment Dear Eric My younger estranged brother just now contacted me to say he has stage colon cancer and is on hospice He hasn t spoken to our mother in years and wants to talk to her and tell her about the cancer Our mother is not well and I feel this will kill her literally I am unsure of what to do I think my mother would be full of guilt and hopelessness Please advise Related Articles Asking Eric After job loss comes shame and meddlesome advice Asking Eric Son s family treats parents house like a storage unit Asking Eric Husband has extreme reaction to wife s affection Asking Eric Stepdaughter suddenly turns on stepmother Asking Eric Mother still paying rent for child s ex Family Dilemma Dear Family I know this is a terrible situation and I suspect you feel caught in the middle with no good choices and the responsibility to somehow make it all right for everyone However if your mother has the mental maximum to consent to speak with your brother please don t block them both from the opportunity There will be pain it will be hard And your mother may experience guilt and hopelessness as you fear But I can t stop thinking about the intensity of emotions she might feel if she never gets to have another conversation with your brother So much of this is beyond your control and also beyond the control of anyone else in the situation We re rarely given perfect options Consider that right now the best option may be to be there for your mother as she goes through this and also to seek out aid for yourself because your emotional experience matters too Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com
